Laquisha

Would accept all my flaws.

• My insecurity
• My mood swings
• My attitude
• My materialism
• The fact that I tend to have a wall put up
• How hard it is to get me to open up

He would accept all of that and love me for me. In return I’ll accept all of his.

We’re all human, NONE of us are perfect. But what everyone seems to think is you should handle someone at their best and a little bit of their worst. NO. That’s not how you come to love someone. You love someone because you know all their layers, because you know what they’re all about.After so many unsuccessful relationships and a bad track record I finally realize what it comes down to: NO EXCUSES. I’ve seen people go out of their way for me but I wasn’t ready for that then. Now I know what it means to give yourself to someone, to let them in, to know what you deserve. I know I deserve someone who treats me like a queen. I don’t know what other girls are looking for but I know what IIII want. I want loyalty, sincerity, honesty, patience… I want a guy who treats me as if I was the most precious thing. Someone who never puts me down. Who always lifts me up. God knows I’m not the easiest person to deal with, but that’s all in my journey of becoming a better person and I’m sorry, I can only be me. I don’t hope to become anybody else. I’m too complex for most guys to handle and comprehend but that’s not my problem, that’s THEIRS. 

I’m sorry you’re too dumb to get on my level.

I’m sorry you’re not understanding enough to get where I’m coming from.

I’m sorry you’re not patient enough to get to know all of me.

I’m sorry you’re just not tough enough to handle all that I throw your way.

That’s all shortcomings on your part. 

You’re all my exes for a reason. In most cases that is because you didn’t have what it takes. Which isn’t entirely your fault, I guess. 

I’m a difficult person but I’m not impossible. There are people around me who care about me and love me, and that means that it IS possible to get to know me. You just have to stick it through til the bitter end. 

Relationships are about compromise. Without it, you can’t have a successful one. That is a fact.

All my life I’ve been a logical thinker. There were times where I considered certain decisions because my emotions but in the end logic always won..

I always thought charity and giving back was a waste of time. Owe it to my pessimistic nature, or call it selfish, but I felt that the human race was full of more bad people than good people. I felt that giving back was a waste because our world is turning to crap and my priority should be myself because it made no sense to get on a sinking ship. 

Now, as I volunteer for things and help raise money for charity. Now, as I’m a contestant of the Miss Guam World pageant, I’m starting to realize just how great it feels to give back. I feel that I am growing as a person, and for the better. I’ve always enjoyed helping people but only if it was reciprocated.  I always had the mentality: “scratch my back twice and I’ll scratch yours once…maybe.” I never had blind faith in people. But as time goes on and as I feel myself getting wiser, more caring, more compassionate, I realize that there is so much good in people. There are reasons to have faith in giving back and helping others. Although our world is really in the crapper right now, there is still some light to salvage. 

Lesson learned these past two months?

Give as much as you can. Forgive as fast as you can. Grow and learn as much as you can. Don’t let any one take your right to be happy. There will be so many things that will come your way and ruin things…and that is because it is so easy to be miserable in this world. You should know that happiness is never a destination! Even though it isn’t easy to achieve, seize any opportunity to smile. Embrace your ups and downs but come back up no matter what. It IS easier to be unhappy, yes, but you shouldn’t chose to be like that! Ultimately it is your choice what you choose to do..but everybody deserves sunshine. Everybody. Even if it isn’t thought by one single person. And in return when you do get to that moment of happiness..be sure to share it. And as corny as this whole thing sounds..Happiness, is SOOOo easy to share. =)

At least I know that I am able to care so deeply again. I thought that that was impossible because of all the jackasses I have dealt with that have betrayed my trust. It’s nice to know that I am able to feel something again. I’m ready to give my all to someone and accept the pain and hurt as much as the happiness and smiles. Now I just need to find that someone.=)

That one moment you thought would never come:

the moment you realize that you’re becoming strangers again. 

You remember how you used to wake up to the sweetest texts.

“Goodmorning beautiful, I just want to know you’re the greatest thing to happen to me and I am so thankful to have you in my life.”

You cherished those moments; you cherished being wanted and desired. You cherished the fact that someone cared for you more than anything in the world, besides your family. That there was someone out there that wanted nothing but to get to know you more and more everyday.

You wake up happy knowing that you had that to look forward to. You had texts and missed calls…knowing that you would feel a huge surge of sadness come over you when you realize that you missed their call. Whenever you would see their name on your phone your face would automatically light up, there was no doubt about it: at that moment you realized they were your world.

Now, some time later, for some it is months, for some years, for some it is sooner. After all the fights and arguments, your fire dies down. You never saw it coming; you thought you guys were strong enough to work through such childish disagreements. You had the strongest faith and held on to them knowing that at one point, they made you the happiest you’ve ever been. As it all goes downhill, you start to see what you’ve been turning a blind eye to: the calls become less frequent, the conversations become less sweet, the arguments become more common. 

Where did all that fire go? All that long for one another? Do I no longer make you smile like I used to? Am I no longer worth any of your time? Do I not make your life worth living? Did I mean anything to you at all? Am I no longer beautiful in your eyes?

I guess in the end, I was never your world. I guess in the end, you meant more to me than I did to you. Now look, here we are, back to being strangers again. Who would’ve thought that you would be the one make me feel like nothing, when you were the only one who actually made me feel like a had worth.