Laquisha

Would accept all my flaws.

• My insecurity
• My mood swings
• My attitude
• My materialism
• The fact that I tend to have a wall put up
• How hard it is to get me to open up

He would accept all of that and love me for me. In return I’ll accept all of his.

We’re all human, NONE of us are perfect. But what everyone seems to think is you should handle someone at their best and a little bit of their worst. NO. That’s not how you come to love someone. You love someone because you know all their layers, because you know what they’re all about.After so many unsuccessful relationships and a bad track record I finally realize what it comes down to: NO EXCUSES. I’ve seen people go out of their way for me but I wasn’t ready for that then. Now I know what it means to give yourself to someone, to let them in, to know what you deserve. I know I deserve someone who treats me like a queen. I don’t know what other girls are looking for but I know what IIII want. I want loyalty, sincerity, honesty, patience… I want a guy who treats me as if I was the most precious thing. Someone who never puts me down. Who always lifts me up. God knows I’m not the easiest person to deal with, but that’s all in my journey of becoming a better person and I’m sorry, I can only be me. I don’t hope to become anybody else. I’m too complex for most guys to handle and comprehend but that’s not my problem, that’s THEIRS. 

I’m sorry you’re too dumb to get on my level.

I’m sorry you’re not understanding enough to get where I’m coming from.

I’m sorry you’re not patient enough to get to know all of me.

I’m sorry you’re just not tough enough to handle all that I throw your way.

That’s all shortcomings on your part. 

You’re all my exes for a reason. In most cases that is because you didn’t have what it takes. Which isn’t entirely your fault, I guess. 

I’m a difficult person but I’m not impossible. There are people around me who care about me and love me, and that means that it IS possible to get to know me. You just have to stick it through til the bitter end. 

Relationships are about compromise. Without it, you can’t have a successful one. That is a fact.

All my life I’ve been a logical thinker. There were times where I considered certain decisions because my emotions but in the end logic always won..

I always thought charity and giving back was a waste of time. Owe it to my pessimistic nature, or call it selfish, but I felt that the human race was full of more bad people than good people. I felt that giving back was a waste because our world is turning to crap and my priority should be myself because it made no sense to get on a sinking ship. 

Now, as I volunteer for things and help raise money for charity. Now, as I’m a contestant of the Miss Guam World pageant, I’m starting to realize just how great it feels to give back. I feel that I am growing as a person, and for the better. I’ve always enjoyed helping people but only if it was reciprocated.  I always had the mentality: “scratch my back twice and I’ll scratch yours once…maybe.” I never had blind faith in people. But as time goes on and as I feel myself getting wiser, more caring, more compassionate, I realize that there is so much good in people. There are reasons to have faith in giving back and helping others. Although our world is really in the crapper right now, there is still some light to salvage. 

Lesson learned these past two months?

Give as much as you can. Forgive as fast as you can. Grow and learn as much as you can. Don’t let any one take your right to be happy. There will be so many things that will come your way and ruin things…and that is because it is so easy to be miserable in this world. You should know that happiness is never a destination! Even though it isn’t easy to achieve, seize any opportunity to smile. Embrace your ups and downs but come back up no matter what. It IS easier to be unhappy, yes, but you shouldn’t chose to be like that! Ultimately it is your choice what you choose to do..but everybody deserves sunshine. Everybody. Even if it isn’t thought by one single person. And in return when you do get to that moment of happiness..be sure to share it. And as corny as this whole thing sounds..Happiness, is SOOOo easy to share. =)

-I enjoy my chocolate just a little bit melted, enough where as soon as it touches your tongue it melts

-I enjoy staying in with my guy playing videogames or watching tv as opposed to fancy restaurants (although I believe it is healthy for all couples to go on dates every now and then)

-I enjoy a good book while underneath a warm blanket in a cold room

-I enjoy those little surprises here and there of random sweetness (whether it be a note that makes me smile, or a text that says I miss you)

-I enjoy those public displays of affection (no not making out) like holding my hand, or giving me a peck on the cheek. It makes me feel like you want to tell the whole world that we belong to each other and I’m the only one you want

-I enjoy those conversations that can go on for hours without stopping

-I enjoy coming home from a long day at work or school, taking a hot shower, and watching my favorite t.v. shows on hulu

-I enjoy any type of good food (because I love food)

-I enjoy the feeling of a great workout and being able to catch my breathe and feel my heart racing

-I enjoy when someone goes out of their way to make time for me even though they had a long day and are tired

-I enjoy going to the beach and feeling the sun on my skin and the sand in between my toes. Then afterwards jumping in to the water and seeing fish swim by my feet

-I enjoy meeting new people and analyzing personality types and trying to figure out why they are the way they are

-I enjoy learning about other cultures and getting rid of any ethnocentric thoughts of any kind

-I enjoy going to school and learning about psychology and the brain

-I enjoy being called mature and being told that I can achieve my goals

-I enjoy staying in and watching movies with my mom

-I enjoy being home early so I can sleep with my chihuahua

-I enjoy waking up to texts from that special someone

And in the future when I do start seriously dating again I hope that the guy I’m with knows me better than any other guy has known me, and that I’ll be able to say that I know him just as well. If the person your with isn’t your best friend then how will you guys grow to know each other more and open up? You only tell your best friend everything right? 

Happy Tuesday<3

It hurts me to realize that I no longer mean the world to you, that I’m not worth your time, that it’s no longer me that you want. I wanted to be with you more than anything. But you don’t feel the same. Giving up was something I never wanted to do. But you don’t even care enough to try as hard as I do. Our memories, as limited as they are, I’ve always cherished, but now I want to burn them all so I can forget you. Whenever I think about you all I feel is hurt. Because you’ve made it clear what I mean to you. I don’t know why you let it go on this long if you didn’t even take me seriously. You can take all your excuses and reasons for not wanting to work it out and just shove it. Because no matter how you say it, they are EXCUSES. It’s going to be hard…but I have to do what I have to do. Why should I ignore someone who wants to be with me and who wants to try hard when you don’t even attempt to do the same? I shook off every one else because I wanted to be with you and only you, and for as long as possible. I guess I have to erase the story I have written with you and start new. Because you’re not going to help make it come true. I’ve never been the romantic fairytale princess type…but I felt that with you…I felt like that kind of feeling actually might exist. Now I realize what a fool I was…Those kind of feelings only exist in Disney and nicholas sparks movies and you were the harsh slap of reality. And I won’t be fooled again for a long time.

When we are angry our I.Q. goes down…shocker…

• We ignore those who we want to talk to the most
• We say hurtful things we don’t mean
• We try to forget the one person we don’t want to forget
• We try to forget memories that were most precious to us
• and in the end we try to move on when that’s the last thing we want to do

Yes, anger is a dangerous emotion indeed. But it’s part of being human…unfortunately.

At least I know that I am able to care so deeply again. I thought that that was impossible because of all the jackasses I have dealt with that have betrayed my trust. It’s nice to know that I am able to feel something again. I’m ready to give my all to someone and accept the pain and hurt as much as the happiness and smiles. Now I just need to find that someone.=)